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With many thanks to the ace TD HQ, OI is pleased (bloody ecstatic more like) to be able to give away a pair of tickets to the 100 Club gig in London on Monday 10th October. This intimate little warm up Bonanza sold out within minutes, so if you didn’t get one this is another chance – unless you pay shitloads to those ‘lovely’ people selling tickets at ridiculous moneygrubbing prices on eBay. Please note that the prize is for ONE WINNER plus 1 guest.
All you have to do is plunder the heights/depths of your wit and/or intelligence to caption the amazingly cool photo in the ‘Reply’ space below. The deadline is 9 pm Thursday 6th October.
The winner will receive special Secret Squirrel instructions from TD HQ about how to claim the prize, and the result will be announced on here.
This IS a bona fide competition, or I wouldn’t have the nerve to post this everywhere, now would I?
Happy thinking.
(OI reserves the right to remove any offensive comments/entries and the decision is final. If there are any questions please email optimum.impact.rocks@gmail.com )
All thanks to The Darkness HQ.
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News about The Darkness delivered by Optimum Impact
Frankie: ‘Dan, don’t look but-that blonde chick in the front is totally checking you out?’
‘
Dan: ‘For real? THIS IS WHY I’M A ROCKSTAR’
Justin: ‘C’mon guys-get that rhythm section going! I’m the only one who scores chicks ’round here’
Frankie: ‘
Dan: ‘Whatever man, PUT YOUR SHIRT ON!’
Justin ‘ C’mon guys lets finish that last session of rock paper scissors right here, right now. No one will catch on, we’re practically in a covert huddle. Hmm although it MAY be a bit tricky whilst playing our guitars…oooh c’mon guys?? CHALLENGE ACCEPTED? ‘
Justin and Dan take a moment with Frankie and query: ‘ Francis Gilles Poullain-Patterson, those shoes are simply devine you MUST tell us where from?? ‘
(You’ll prob take my first caption, but I wanted to post anyway!)
Justin: Hey, let’s give 100 Club tickets to OI!
Dan: OI! OI! OI! OI!
Frankie: This ain’t AC/DC, mother trucker!
Jus: ( aghast at intertwined strings) ” okay now we’re screwed, whose idea was it to practice our knitting techniques with guitar strings and two drumsticks? Quick, you two twiddly twiddly and I’ll distract them by sticking a lemur down my pants and letting its tail adorn my back. And then we’ll rescue Ed from his crochet spiderman outfit.”
Justin: “Oi Dan, can you quickly show me the riff for the song we’re playing next?”
“Right for this next song guys…do the hokey cokey….you put your left leg in, your left leg out……”
“So what am i supposed to shake after the left leg?”
What is it that we believe in? Music? Football?? Love???
Dan: Hang on, lads. You’re both caught on my leads.
Justin: You’re really growing on me.
Frankie: Or am I growing on you?
Its like 2004 again just this time we replaced the groupies with guitars……
The world Paper Scissors championship finals enter the 14th hour as the 3 finalists Dan, Justin and Frankie can’t choose anything but “Rock”…
Pretend we are talking about Ed, he hates that!
Justin: Hey guys, what’s Ed doing down there?
Dan: Looks like he’s having a tantrum and is drumming on the floor…
Frankie: Either that, or he can’t get hold of a One Way Ticket and has decided to dig himself to Hell!
Justin: Just to let you know guys, I’ve got the cat’s testicles behind an amp, so make sure you don’t trip over them!
All for One, and ROCK FOR ALL!!
“I knew the 100 Club was on the small side, but this is ridiculous!”
Ring, a ring o’ roses,
A pocket full o’posies-
Atishoo atishoo…
DAN: “Is it ok with you two if I play the Sonisphere intro to ‘Friday Night’?”
JUSTIN: “Yeah, it’s Ed’s turn to lay claim to the f***-up!”
BAD TIMING!
Justin, Dan and Frankie fail to realise they are on stage as they take the perfect opportunity to catch up on their latest edition of crossword today, and have their favourite cup of earl grey!
Dan…I think they’ve realised we’re actually back and not a tribute band, at least we know how to play the songs properly…We really should have made a set list.
Frankie: What the hell is “Is It Just Me?”, that’s not one of our songs.
Dan: It was on the second album!!
Frankie: Er, guys… I wasn’t on that.
Justin: SHIT! I’ve already started the main riff!! Frankie just look at mine and Dan’s hands and play along!!
The Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost
Mr Sex, Mr Drugs, and Mr Rock & Roll
“So… the last one to finish has to EAT the biscuit?!”
“Zebra tails as a guitar strap just works” reveals rock legend Hawkins.
ED: Hey guys, me too right?… Guys?
Dan: I know it’s been a while so let me explain. This is called a Guitar..
Too much hair spray we stuck together !
The Astoria to Knebworth House The Darkness have ROCKED them all !!!
Dan: “See, Im telling you, cock rock is all about the wrist action!”
“Hold on a minute, lads – we’ve got no drummer!”
“Yeah, the gig sold out before Ed could get a ticket!”
I don’t think this is an appropriate time for a guitar lesson
‘on the count of three dog pile on Ed’
These Status Quo conventions are getting smaller every year….
Justin: Psst, guys, I can’t remember the lyrics to Concrete!
Dan: It has lyrics? I thought you just wailed random falsetto notes?
Justin: Ok fine, it doesn’t have any lyrics.
Dan: Honest, I just have to play this note, and as if by magic, a freshly washed Thin Lizzy t-shirt will appear…
And that, gentlemen, is how you play an F.
Um… Dan
Yeah Frank?
Does Justin know he’s got a microphone growing out of his arm?
Yeah mate, he doesn’t people pointing it out though. Frank?
Yes Dan?
Stop staring.
I can’t! It’s got a stand and everything!
Dan; “shucks you two!… CAN YOU STOP DROPPING YOUR PLECTRUMS! the bands budget has rocketed since this reformation!!
Frankie: dont look at me!! im Holding my own!!
Justin: Guys, lets not fall out again,,, lets just get that Ed bloke to ‘pick’ it up.
“The Darkness were last seen being sucked inexorably into a Black Hole, confirming their position at the centre of the Galaxy of Rock!”
Ok, this competition is ending NOW. The winner will be notified once a decision’s been made, and once everything’s confirmed with them, an announcement will follow. Thanks for all the entries!